


Fifty Shades of Egg (My Eggmortal)

by sarcasmlock



Series: Fifty Shades of Egg [1]
Category: Real Person Fiction
Genre: Eggs, F/F, I'm so sorry, Multi, Other, egg, egg kink, idk - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-11
Updated: 2014-08-11
Packaged: 2018-02-12 15:56:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 2,239
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2115897
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sarcasmlock/pseuds/sarcasmlock
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A friend-fiction in which my friends have sex with eggs and eat people. What started as a joke became a vintage friendship meme we'll all cherish forever.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

[](http://tinypic.com?ref=ndwj78)   


" how u want your eggs today sir" in a cafe sitting he was. His coffee was black and so was his friend Tom but they don't talk that much. Stephanie sat down across from carver, the character we're focusing on. "He'll have them scrambled."they said in an authoritive voice. The waitress scrambled off (haha) towards the kitchen. Stephanie a boss ass bitch basically. They sips their coffee, which was already sitting there, waiting. The waitress knew they were coming, she could sense them. "So carv, how's things" said Stephanie. They paused to spit out their coffee on a dudebro sitting in a booth next to theirs. "Sorry, I don't like coffee." they explained. "Good," said carver. "Bit boring, I could use some excitement, some spark in my life." Stephanie winked at Carver. I have some ideas. The waitress came back with the eggs and sat then in front of Carver. In front of Stephanie she placed a napkin with her phone number on it. "Call me?" Stephanie winked again, meaningfully, and the waitress giggled, then left. Carver stared at eggs. The butter melted so perfectly into every bit, cheese seeping in places Carver scanned with his eyes like a scanner printer thing. The eggs were so sexysexy. Carve licked his lips. "Cancel my three o'clock" he said into his Bluetooth, which he was wearing this whole time. Stephanie was like "I will leave you to your eggs."then slid away, leaving behind a trail of slime. Carver got freaky with eggs. No one ever recovers.


	2. Chapter 2

Stephanie called carving. "Hey bro what's up. He said "oh I just had the best night, I really ate out (winkwink)" Stephanie laughed. "I know what u mean, I did too. Wait no did you eat the eggs"silence met their question. Fuck. "Carver, answers the question. Did you eat the eggs?" He swallowed nervously over the line. ... maybe. Stephanie gasped "I KNEW IT" they walked over to Carver. They were sitting in the same room the whole time. "We need professional advice." they said. They walked over to Jamie. She was in the kitchen, chopping up some red meat "hey guys how are you I am eating my boyfriend!" Carver shook his head I know. She shrugged. "U want some? I'm making fa-ji-tas!" Stephanie squealed. "Sorry, I am excited because I love fajitas." They explained. The waitress from yesterday stumbled in the room half dressed. Stephanie was like woah why are you still here. She had forgotten to drink coffee. "Ooo. I got you girl!" Said Jamie. She likes coffee. She started making coffee, then stopped halfway through and ate the waitress. "Sorry," she said to Stephanie, they sighed. not again. Jam sipped the coffee. So. She made more eggs. Sunny-side up. Carver swore the sun really did shine on these eggs. So Beaurtuful. Stephanie and Jamie ate fajitas, but Stephanie spit some out. "Gross, is this a guy?" Jamie said ye. "Disgusting, I don't eat guys," Stephanie said gravely. They was sad, and looked over to Carver sadly. Carver was totally screwing the eggs. Stephanie cried. This was going to be a long day.


	3. Chapter 3

it is still the long day established in the previous chapter, because I just decided that jus now. Stephanie Is in the focus. They are laughing in the way blankets laugh or would, laugh if they could talk/laugh. No one told a joke Stephanie is laughing because they thought about butts again. "Ah, buts," They are sitting in a Mcdonalda cuz they got that good wifi there. They also order 2saisage, egg mcmuffin, and coffee. The cash register person said no those is day so no but Stephanie beat them up and got the food Where are they?" They wondered about some people. Suddenley, the people walk in. "Hey guys what s up!!" Yelled Jamie. Next to her was Carver. Next to him was the waitress. Stephan handed j the coffee and Carver the egg, " I hope that's okay for u" but carve wasn't listening. The egg mcmuffin was glistening. "Oh gosh" sighed Stephanie. The waitedres looked slightly upset 'im breaking up you"she said with sense of finality "okay said Stephanie but inside was heartbreak. They turned to look at their friends. turkey Carver was licking the egg in a seductive manner while jami was pouring coffee on her arm and licking it off again. "I like flesh" she explained to Carver but he didn't care. Jamie pourt hot coffee on him but he didn't notice. Carver closes the bag with the egg mCmuffin in it to finish it later ;;) "anyways I'm gay" Stephanie announced, while staanding on the table. One person clapped, which was good. Suddenly a blow dart hit their shoulder! And the other's!! To be continued


	4. Chapter 4

"wow what happened." Said jamie. "Something gay" stephanoe replied , jame laughed heartily. Sudden, voice which was deep was like hey. Your kidnapped??? But carb started to scream. "Anyways, we are stealing the power of ur gay. Jamie raised her hand to say I am not gay. Carver agreed but softer, lonelier. Eggs. Stephanie just shook their head as if to say "I knew it, also did I turn off my oven" and they did not. Somewher a lone fire burned. Carver raised his hand again "is it gay to love eggs" "yes" voice replied car vet cried. Why must gay. Stephanie started the conversion ceremony, pulling out the ritialsitc candles which they always have with them. They chanted and walked in circle. Egg-shape circle. Was gay. Then out of NOWEARS, Loud voice turns into body without face. And sucks up some gay. Lightning of rainbow cracks in the sky, beautiful. "What if God saves my gay" Stephanie thinks. God possesses a duck, which bites body without face. It is suspense. To be continue.


	5. Chapter 5

this is what happened After that okay: body without face explodes and everyone is like "woa fireworks yep!!" And the three heroes walk away. The place they were being kidnapped at was actually Stephanie's house. They didn't realize that at first but now they does. stephgsacvbnie pull out some socks from a basket of socks they has. They hand carbon the shortes sock please use protection w/the egg next time" Stephanie begs carver. Because what If egg become pregnant. exactly. So then Stephanie is like "frick this, I'm making a cake. " they direct Jamie to get out the cake mix and tells Carving to get two eggs. Sterph mixes the bowling and is like okay hand me the eggs now. They look over to Carver. He has cracked the egg open and is getting freaky again, I was going to mad but then realize hes using the sock Stephanie gave him. So okay. But Jamie wants cake so she forces the eggs away from Carver. Staphanire watches in horror???? But Jamie gets the eggs but they're like, tainted now, Stephanie just uses other eggs that they have. "Why would u do that jam" jam is silence. Every1 cries a lil at the whole thing, except Stephanie. They made dam good cake which they are eating while everyone else cries.


	6. Chapter 6

jamie decided. 'Let's go to the mall! So they all collectively went to the mall despite having no car, this is my party and I'll teleport If I want two . so they got at the mall stphanie leaned on a wall just watching girls walk bi. (lol) everyone was cute so they cry, but then Jamie are like let's go find a topic that's hot, and yes. So we teleported their. suddenly stepitupanie sees a cute cashier " good bye friends I am gone' they flirt with the cashier shamelessly. Carver sees the food court through window. I like food" he thinks and he walk to food courting. Carpenter sees china foods and is like. he'll. yep. So then he approaches and is like"woah" and sees egg roll. So prett, exotic. Beauty, egg. He cries a little and buys six thousand, no regreting . "what will I do w/ these eggs" he thinks but he knows. He's gotta fuck it. Stephanie (who has the cashiers number) and Jamie (who had seven new pins) look out hot topic window but it too late. To late. He was totally frickin the egg rolls. 6000. Carb no. People screaming


	7. Chapter 7

what a good idea that staphanie had today! 'hey carbonation," they said over chat thing. "Let's get together to work on homework. "Wow greater idea!!" Said carve r. So he poofs over there but (but, hehe) also jamie does to?? so they're sitting there but then jamie like "I want snacks, get me snacks so steph offers her their arm. Jam is thanksgiving Stephanie is so rad AND THEN. stephanies mom walks in room and she says woah is there hot str8 sex going on here??? Stefany laughing to theirself. "No we are doing homework" mom cries becsusre her child is gay but tsephanie is laughter and inside pain. "Anyway I brought snack for the straight peoples here" she hands eggs to Carver and Jamie. Once she leaves room, carberator takes the eggs from jelly and cracks them open, one by one, until a pile of egg is sitting on carpet. O no. Stephan shields j's eyes she's too young To young to see carv do these things to eggs. Hey look at this!" Stephanie holds up book, cover says Stop Fucking Eggs. Books r really specific and relevant these days. But Carver doesn't stop. It is bad


	8. Chapter 8

okay so now more Mall, it was decided. But so Carpet was like "hell yep let's hit up target!!" And of course Stephanie was like YE but Jamey was silencer. They know that they sell eggs there. They are weary. But so okay but everyone ends up going anyways "wow this place is really the turn up function! said stephamie. Because they were in the dollar section and saw cool rubber lizards. I want seven. Okay but then Stephaneh walk into next section (dog toys, to strengthen their teeth' when they ran into someone. "Oh my goddamn I'm so sorry!!!' They said but the stranger was like what the frickle and then step realizes that the person look just like them!! So a hand is extended and the other person says I am rowan, and you look a lot like my next date WINKWONK" who is this beautful strange r. Stephanie feels faint with love for them. Then they both hear a crashing noise and so they peer into the grocry section like "what"but it was Carnation tripping over empty egg cartons and like there are security guards that come carry him away cuz he couldn't keep it in his pants smh. Not even a sock. Stephanie apologizes to Rrowan and gives them their phone number to call them. good day overall except Jamie eats the security guard


	9. Chapter 9

so when stephotdog gets home they pull out their phone and texts rowanlike hey, can u hang?" Of course rowan is like "heck ye and so theyre gonna meet up at taco bell for some tacos and stuff for a date. So excite. Sudden, Stephanie gets phone call from Catcher!! He say so do u want to hang. Stephanie egg-plains the date thing so Carver is like "oh sweet that's cool ill see you there!!' Wait no said, Stephanie because was intended to be private date, o well. So they call up Jamie because why not and basically they all go to Bell of Tacos. Carver at the cash register like "GIVE ME SOME EGGS"nd so they do hand him some and he say thank. Buy then Jamie was ordering and was like "giv me one Taco shell" and once given the taco shell, she placed it on the employee's arm and ate it?. Mad burrito. Carver isn't fucking the eggs though, he is sitting across from them at a candlelit table. He tryna be romanticaL. They look so in love. thought me. I am the narrator. Stephanie glances at watch 'where is rowa¿¿¿ cuz we can't see them anywhere. And them rowane walks thru the door, surrounded by white pigeons. Doves. I was told theyre called doves. But like rowan is so attractive and Stephanie cries of the beauty MEANWHILE carbo leans in for the kiss at his date. CONTINUE.


	10. Chapter 10

ok well Rowan is covered in beautiful and sparkles and then Stephanie is like I've gotta get with them holy heck, they were that pretty. Their eyes just like theirs. Like how the heckle, but still. So Stephanie winks and so does rowe nand Stephanotis is like "I gotta go.... To my car.... Goodbye barber and Jackie" so they go to the car because I mean cars but cCaractivity is going steady with the egg. Jamie respects this, but she's crouching in the corner, gnawing on the employee. Carver decides he can't take it!!! " I can't take it," he explained thoughtfully. He is thoughtful. Except for when he is not. He starts getting it with the egg. So then Jamie Is like "where art Stephanie' but then carb used sign language and signed "they're fucking their double in their car" in sign language, language of signs. But okay but Carver and eggs Was bad idea. At least he is using a soft taco shell, at least. Stephanie Stumbles back in 'I am so much in love" they declare. Person claps, Jamie eats person. The family business. End for now.


End file.
